Life's Too Short, Make the Most of It (Excerpts) (2017)
Liam, what's the difference between you and acne? Acne waits until a boy's thirteen before coming on his face. To me, Liam, Zoe is even less than dog shit because at least dog shit gets cleaned up off the grass in the park after the dogs finished with it. Seriously though Dribbler, well done for making it into the Special Branch of the firefighters, that's a really big achievement for something as retarded as you. I mean, I know that they’ve sent monkeys into space, but I never thought that they’d have one driving around in a fire engine. You know, I have a bit of trivia about Matt. You see, most people think that he lost his virginity at sixteen when he got fucked by another boy, but really it happened two years earlier when he was fourteen because that was when he was able to overpower his mum for the first time. Liam, Zoe looked like a princess in her wedding dress. It's just a shame the princess she looked like was Fiona. Hi Himmler. It’s not Liam’s fault, is it? It’s his mum’s. Yeah, for not aborting him. How is that ham-planet of yours? Hi Kimi Räikkönen. Oh wait, you’re not Kimi Räikkönen are you? Because Kimi’s handsome, intelligent, competent, well-liked, not a rapist, has a lot of money and has someone attractive in love with him. That’s the opposite of you, isn’t it Dribbler? You know, Liam, I thought you were going to follow in your dad's footsteps instead of becoming a firemonkey. But, I suppose you can't sign on forever, can you? No wonder Zoe's the best you could manage. This is Liam, or as most people like to call him, "Hey you, behind the bushes". You're quite good at throwing things, aren't you Dribbler? It must be all of that practice you have from throwing people wrapped up in carpets off bridges. Yeah, I've actually got a supplier who gets me carpets for a discount. Did he help supply material for Zoe's wedding dress too? Hello David Parker Ray, have you let your dogs rape that young woman you’ve got chained up in your sex caravan yet? Hello there Ariel Castro you rascal, I thought you had killed yourself in prison. How much did it cost to get the Baha Men to perform Who Let The Dogs Out? as Zoe waddled down the wedding aisle to you Dribbler? Hello Liam, how are you? And how is that… thing that you’re in love with? You know, your wife. No wait, I mean your cum-dumpster. Oh no, wait, I mean your cum-landfill. Did you know Zoe used to be an actress? Well, not really an actress, more of a movie prop. She played the boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark, the asteroids in Deep Impact and Armageddon, and Willy in Free Willy. How did they get her to do that jump, Dribbler? Was there something like a helicopter dangling a bucket of ice cream above shot, and the jump was Zoe trying to get it? Do you think we should leave Liam some crayons to keep him busy while you’re gone, Charlie? Yeah, that’ll be good, Liam loves drawing pictures. Maybe we should get him some glitter too. And what about some glue as well, Charlie? Yeah, he likes eating that.
Life's Too Short, Make the Most of It exhibited in situ at KARST (2017) Photo credit to Dom Moore
10 Sluttiest Girls on Maury Povich (2017)
10 Sluttiest Girls on Maury Povich exhibited in situ at KARST (2017) Photo credit to Dom Moore
Favourite Moments (2017) 10 Sluttiest Girls on Maury Povich in the foreground. Photo credit to Dom Moore